city of dragons 02 - fire storm by crowe val st

Author:crowe, val st [crowe, val st]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Punk Rawk Books
Published: 2016-05-12T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“She had big blue eyes,” Lachlan was saying, a smile twisted over his lips. “And she adored me. I never felt anything like adoration before, you know? She’d see me pull into the driveway, and she’d start squealing. She’d run to the door, and she’d be waiting for me there, jumping up and down, and I’d pick her up, and she’d wrap her tiny little arms around me, and…” He bit down hard on his bottom lip. Tears were starting to spill out of his eyes.

I hugged him. We were sitting on the couch in my living room, and the angle was awkward. I was smaller than him too. I didn’t feel like I could comfort him.

But he slid down, his cheek against the slope of my breast, his arms around my waist. He gazed out at the dark room. “She was perfect, Penny. And the idea of her being gone is too much to handle and still exist. Nothing makes sense anymore, and yet everything keeps going on and on.”

I stroked his hair. “I’m sorry. I don’t know exactly how you feel, of course, but I’ve experienced loss too. I know that feeling—the feeling that the world should have stopped, but it didn’t.”

He turned. Now his head was in my lap. “You do know how I feel. You lost children too.”

I swallowed. “Not the same,” I managed.

“Worse,” he said, reaching up to touch my face. “In some ways, worse. I got to play with her. I got to teach her to ride a tricycle. I got to hear her tell me stories and call me Daddy and watch her run and play. I got four years, Penny. You got less than me. And it happened more than once.”

Tears were starting to flow down my face. “Don’t, Lachlan. Don’t. I can’t…”

“Sorry.” He was crying too. He forced himself into a sitting position and he pulled me into his lap, and we clutched each other. “I shouldn’t have said anything to you.”

“No, it’s okay,” I said, my breath hitching. “Because it’s good of you to acknowledge it. People don’t know how hard miscarriages are.”

His arms tightened around me. “No one knows anyone else’s pain. Not really. And everyone’s walking around with it. We’re all scarred and ruined somewhere.”

“It isn’t worse for me,” I said. “What happened to your little girl, it’s the most horrible thing I can think of.”

“No,” he said, and he sucked in a breath. “There are worse things. Things in war-torn countries. Things that happened in the past. The capacity of the human race to commit atrocities—”

“Does thinking that help? You’re just minimizing your pain.”

“I guess sometimes I look for a reason to keep going.” He eyed me. “How do you do it? After everything you’ve been through. Your parents. Your babies. Your insane ex-husband. How?”

I rested my cheek against his chest. I sniffled. “I guess I just channel it elsewhere. Like I didn’t get to take care of my babies, so I try to take care of other people to fill that desire.

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